The sky is gonna drown (an old letter-to-self of a young, lost, broken-hearted girl)

Born into my mind as a premonition unfolds,

With feelings, an unknowing, no denying.

 

Accumulation then proceeded by the humiliation,

Unsatisfying, but the pain so beautifully suffices. 

 

These eyes look… but the images are ill;

Purely reminders of how I imagined it had been.

Dreams indicate the extent to which it invades my feelings toward you now. 

 

Affection exists only in a superfluous moment before returning to nothing;

Like the uncontainable flashes of light in a dense cover,

A thunderstorm like no other.

 

Proud: you against me,

Is this really competition or merely lashing out in pain?

No desire for gain…?

In the conscious, but dare we say what lies beneath.

 

~I dont hate you,

But I hate this pain~

inexistant boundries- paper walls come down

Going back to what once whispered familiarity- a sort of constant;

But after time spent away reaches a certain mark,

a newfound familiarity, friends, food, feelings;

An ever-fading memory of the otherwise known- shown.

 

He showed her where he was- she accepted.

And now as she returns to her place of prior existance,

She knows it;s just vacation.

 

And eventually she will feel home-sick- confirmation of it all.

She knows she will go back to her known, and for the first time it will be different,

– not her only home…

 

And she will smile as she realises her chance to have that feeling more than once,

In more than one place,

She has felt- home.

Her note-to-self: __about love & jealousy & pain & sadness, life & death.

He saved me because he broke me with love…

You know, when I was depressive I would try hurt myself in various ways just to feel pain, to feel something;

And it worked… however momentary.

The pain was there as the blade entered my flesh, when the blood began to rush to the surface, followed by the chilling tingles rushing through my nerv…

– But, the next day the pain was gone and after that it was only a matter of hours before the healing began to overpower that of its counterpart…

So when I came here I was like ‘pfff‘,

then slowly this escalated feeling overtook and love became my trip,

until one day my shadow (me) faded to superfluous smidgens of grey…

He broke me, cut right through my heart, so deep.

This extreme feeling so profound I wanted to live again knowing that I could feel- something -so real, so pure, so true.

Unsure

Subtle signals you direct I seem to deflect or you may feel neglect,

But when I ask my true it’s not my belief, and I never gave conscious life to the thought even,

But that’s not enough, when you admit your expectations go beyond my capacity,

It’s not an exclusive feature in your relationships though, you say it happens always,

I wonder then how to reach a compromise, I want to try… if only with you;

The following day greets us with an explosion of pressures and external stressors,

Suddenly the rude awakening of your fire ignites me, before he invites me,

No consensus, no objective, no chance;

Don’t feel you are the victim, –but I didn’t, I listened, I heard…

Blinded by the flames, the goal for the day has been defeated,

Postponed- but not to be reheated;

How can I begin, all I felt, all I wanted to say, all I said, to my head, in my bed, seeing red,

Attempting to replace the monotone with a rainbow, sushi, oceans, beaches, flowers;

Living in towers, seeing through different powers,

I waited there for hours…

But now I see it,

-It’s not mine

It’s not yours,

But ours.

Cram Slam

Pressure carries a more negative connotation to that of her supported positives…

but as the time comes for the finals, all students gather their best efforts to procrastinate.

Some, (such as myself) find the excel of efficiency riding the great wave of pressure;

The positive correlation exists and emanates an ever growing fuelling force;

The mountains become molehills as midnight strikes:

The day before that beastly exam raises its brow (and yours) upon reception.

 

The time for repetition and revision- an attempt to make sense of it all has passed

And as we reflect on the amount of material we managed to ride through on our beloved wave,

I begin to see the wonder and light- the immense power it possesses and gave to me my possession,

For I had done it, succeeded through the vast array of trees my colleagues spent weeks tackling and stumbling over,

In one single night, my wave and I rode right on over to the positive light at the end of the final tunnel.